1 00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:58,660 It's all about starting at the beginning. 2 00:03:02,860 --> 00:03:04,880 But that's not how I remember it. 3 00:03:12,970 --> 00:03:15,986 It's all a series of… fragments… 4 00:03:18,753 --> 00:03:20,220 repetitions… 5 00:03:22,687 --> 00:03:25,186 pattern formations. 6 00:03:47,262 --> 00:03:49,612 When there are no words for the pain, 7 00:03:54,575 --> 00:03:58,110 let your imagination change what you've known to plan, 8 00:04:01,203 --> 00:04:03,745 and then let it land in the freedom of water. 9 00:04:06,109 --> 00:04:09,014 Her ring around a rock is luck in the smoke. 10 00:04:17,296 --> 00:04:18,845 Red rock is Earth blood. 11 00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:22,676 You believe in blue. 12 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:53,959 Remember it? 13 00:04:56,780 --> 00:04:57,880 Our stories? 14 00:05:00,656 --> 00:05:03,109 Say, you better come up with one you can live with. 15 00:05:22,851 --> 00:05:23,851 Smelly face. 16 00:05:31,241 --> 00:05:32,241 Flower. 17 00:05:44,751 --> 00:05:45,751 Christmas tree. 18 00:06:09,531 --> 00:06:10,775 Stop. 19 00:06:11,711 --> 00:06:13,175 Claudia, go upstairs. 20 00:06:13,614 --> 00:06:14,264 Go! 21 00:06:17,606 --> 00:06:18,455 Move! 22 00:06:25,581 --> 00:06:27,389 You just let me know when you finish. 23 00:06:28,107 --> 00:06:29,507 We can do this all night. 24 00:06:40,257 --> 00:06:41,293 Fuck! 25 00:07:22,507 --> 00:07:24,298 I think it'd feel nice, Claudia. 26 00:07:24,424 --> 00:07:25,848 I really think it will. 27 00:07:26,241 --> 00:07:27,315 Fix you right up. 28 00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:31,461 Fix you right up. 29 00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:42,767 Sing with me Belle. 30 00:07:43,047 --> 00:07:47,230 ♪ Oh m' darling, oh m' darling ♪ 31 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:50,440 ♪ Oh my darling, Clementine… ♪ 32 00:07:50,597 --> 00:07:52,201 Come on Lidabelle, sing with me. 33 00:07:52,801 --> 00:07:53,801 You know all the lyrics. 34 00:07:54,721 --> 00:07:58,883 ♪ You lost and gone forever… ♪ 35 00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:03,259 It was my voice 36 00:08:03,467 --> 00:08:04,467 that left. 37 00:08:08,091 --> 00:08:10,031 Sometimes I think it arrived on paper. 38 00:08:11,453 --> 00:08:12,633 I wrote pictures, 39 00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:13,500 true things, 40 00:08:13,614 --> 00:08:14,300 lies. 41 00:08:14,397 --> 00:08:15,517 Interchangeably. 42 00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:19,215 Made me feel like… someone else. 43 00:08:19,382 --> 00:08:20,215 —for Chrissake! 44 00:08:21,565 --> 00:08:23,211 I wrote words to belong to. 45 00:08:23,298 --> 00:08:24,308 That is your daughter! 46 00:08:24,515 --> 00:08:26,494 No, daughter. 47 00:08:27,449 --> 00:08:29,115 To swim. 48 00:08:30,193 --> 00:08:31,273 To safety. 49 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:32,834 To girls. 50 00:08:33,060 --> 00:08:34,617 Make my skin hot, 51 00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:36,121 my head hurt, my— 52 00:08:36,181 --> 00:08:37,181 Mother. 53 00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:38,267 Her hair. 54 00:08:38,847 --> 00:08:39,847 Her skull. 55 00:08:40,585 --> 00:08:41,585 Her story. 56 00:08:42,584 --> 00:08:45,581 I won a prize for that story Belle. 57 00:08:45,751 --> 00:08:47,767 And your daddy… 58 00:08:49,551 --> 00:08:52,377 won an art prize for this drawing. 59 00:08:54,643 --> 00:08:57,867 How gone she was. 60 00:09:02,432 --> 00:09:03,432 My sister. 61 00:09:03,517 --> 00:09:04,811 My adoration. 62 00:09:05,010 --> 00:09:06,010 My sister. 63 00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:07,123 My awe. 64 00:09:07,411 --> 00:09:08,849 I mean you look like a— 65 00:09:08,940 --> 00:09:10,744 a bum in that dumpy sack shirt. 66 00:09:10,827 --> 00:09:12,027 It does nothing for you. 67 00:09:13,211 --> 00:09:14,411 Look at me. 68 00:09:16,031 --> 00:09:17,531 You trying to look like a man? 69 00:09:18,439 --> 00:09:19,439 My sister. 70 00:09:19,777 --> 00:09:21,525 Taking everything. 71 00:09:28,171 --> 00:09:29,911 Before you were even born. 72 00:09:58,303 --> 00:09:59,463 In the house. 73 00:10:02,294 --> 00:10:03,714 Alone in my room. 74 00:10:04,721 --> 00:10:05,881 My arms ache. 75 00:10:07,031 --> 00:10:08,213 My sister is gone. 76 00:10:10,241 --> 00:10:12,102 My mother is… 77 00:10:12,891 --> 00:10:13,891 gone. 78 00:10:16,057 --> 00:10:19,168 My father designs houses in the room next to mine. 79 00:10:56,986 --> 00:10:58,806 I wait for 5AM. 80 00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:02,174 I pray. 81 00:11:04,274 --> 00:11:05,529 To swim. 82 00:11:21,043 --> 00:11:22,283 My baby girl. 83 00:11:25,865 --> 00:11:27,710 Growing up so fast. 84 00:11:33,598 --> 00:11:34,598 Teenager. 85 00:11:37,176 --> 00:11:38,176 In High-school. 86 00:11:39,376 --> 00:11:40,576 I can't believe it. 87 00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:44,042 Alright, line up ladies. Weigh in. 88 00:11:44,220 --> 00:11:45,153 You know the drill: 89 00:11:45,265 --> 00:11:47,161 one lick for every pound you're over. 90 00:11:47,651 --> 00:11:48,651 Torres? 91 00:11:50,549 --> 00:11:51,549 Atta' girl. 92 00:12:00,407 --> 00:12:01,407 That's right. 93 00:12:02,339 --> 00:12:03,339 There you go. 94 00:12:03,744 --> 00:12:06,077 Reimer… three pounds. 95 00:12:10,433 --> 00:12:11,433 Faster. 96 00:12:14,655 --> 00:12:16,655 Come on, baby. 97 00:12:17,055 --> 00:12:18,055 Harder. 98 00:12:29,691 --> 00:12:30,885 Yuknavitch! 99 00:12:31,137 --> 00:12:32,685 One for you, freshman. 100 00:12:32,862 --> 00:12:34,031 So we'll make it count. 101 00:13:07,448 --> 00:13:10,048 How many miles does it take, 102 00:13:13,729 --> 00:13:15,229 to swim… 103 00:13:18,931 --> 00:13:20,698 to a self? 104 00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:27,112 How many 105 00:13:27,911 --> 00:13:29,111 fucking 106 00:13:29,801 --> 00:13:31,001 miles? 107 00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:38,360 You set a record! 108 00:14:18,002 --> 00:14:19,641 So you really want this, huh? 109 00:14:25,831 --> 00:14:26,831 Okay. 110 00:14:46,451 --> 00:14:48,531 You only got a three-quarter ride. 111 00:14:53,281 --> 00:14:55,760 Hey, if they wanted you they would've 112 00:14:56,049 --> 00:14:58,261 offered the whole nine yards, huh? 113 00:15:14,028 --> 00:15:17,409 "We're delighted to offer a partial scholarship." 114 00:15:19,071 --> 00:15:20,071 Half. 115 00:15:20,571 --> 00:15:21,703 You're better than that. 116 00:15:25,301 --> 00:15:26,679 Last one. 117 00:15:41,291 --> 00:15:43,211 In my head I swam laps. 118 00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,671 Didn't even get one full ride. 119 00:15:52,038 --> 00:15:53,311 Hey, don't blame me. 120 00:15:54,751 --> 00:15:56,611 If they don't want you, then you don't belong there. 121 00:15:56,692 --> 00:15:57,780 I could taste blood. 122 00:15:58,628 --> 00:15:59,669 The answer is no. 123 00:16:02,102 --> 00:16:03,102 Why? 124 00:16:10,861 --> 00:16:11,861 Because he could. 125 00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:16,300 What? 126 00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,622 And I was his. 127 00:16:31,105 --> 00:16:32,105 Hey. 128 00:16:32,449 --> 00:16:33,649 Look at me. 129 00:16:45,477 --> 00:16:46,477 Look at me. 130 00:16:56,201 --> 00:16:58,308 I only want the best for you. 131 00:17:00,264 --> 00:17:01,264 You know that. 132 00:17:04,377 --> 00:17:06,557 I knew he could feel it. 133 00:17:07,682 --> 00:17:09,904 That pink muscle… 134 00:17:10,305 --> 00:17:11,305 pushing. 135 00:17:13,152 --> 00:17:14,482 And pushing. 136 00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:17,097 You should all be out there warming up. 137 00:17:17,185 --> 00:17:19,008 For all of its worth. 138 00:17:23,591 --> 00:17:24,591 Hey, Lidia. 139 00:17:27,235 --> 00:17:28,435 Do you need a hand? 140 00:17:29,293 --> 00:17:30,833 I'm a coach from Texas Tech. 141 00:17:31,995 --> 00:17:33,351 I'm excited to meet you. 142 00:17:33,951 --> 00:17:34,951 Let's talk. 143 00:17:35,774 --> 00:17:37,554 I'd like to have you on our team. 144 00:18:04,015 --> 00:18:05,655 I almost loved her. 145 00:18:12,681 --> 00:18:13,781 There's a gold bell. 146 00:18:44,912 --> 00:18:45,713 —you hear me? 147 00:18:45,824 --> 00:18:47,646 That's fucking disgusting Lidia. 148 00:18:47,795 --> 00:18:49,482 You should be ashamed of your— 149 00:18:53,735 --> 00:18:54,735 Lidia! 150 00:18:58,658 --> 00:18:59,858 This is control. 151 00:19:00,939 --> 00:19:03,605 I am controlling myself. 152 00:19:06,345 --> 00:19:09,378 You don't know how far I can go. 153 00:19:26,921 --> 00:19:30,421 My bedroom holds the wet, and the dark of my body. 154 00:19:34,437 --> 00:19:36,357 It smells like my sweat. 155 00:19:37,671 --> 00:19:38,871 And chlorine. 156 00:19:51,871 --> 00:19:52,871 Hey. 157 00:19:53,151 --> 00:19:54,151 Can't sleep, huh? 158 00:19:55,191 --> 00:19:56,191 Yeah, me neither. 159 00:20:07,151 --> 00:20:08,151 Come here. 160 00:20:08,526 --> 00:20:09,726 I want to talk to you. 161 00:20:15,421 --> 00:20:17,621 Listen, I'm sorry I've been so hard on you lately. 162 00:20:20,201 --> 00:20:21,501 I guess I just… 163 00:20:23,161 --> 00:20:24,821 really worry about you out there. 164 00:20:27,221 --> 00:20:30,247 Things I'm going to be different when you go to college. 165 00:20:31,201 --> 00:20:32,781 I want you to listen to me. 166 00:20:33,425 --> 00:20:35,721 He narrated what boys would do to me. 167 00:20:37,582 --> 00:20:40,065 How they put their dirty hands up my skirt 168 00:20:40,154 --> 00:20:41,455 and finger fuck me. 169 00:20:42,761 --> 00:20:44,061 Fondle my tits. 170 00:20:47,841 --> 00:20:48,841 Suck them. 171 00:20:50,911 --> 00:20:53,711 How disgusting boys would be. 172 00:20:55,141 --> 00:20:56,141 Their hands. 173 00:20:57,141 --> 00:20:59,201 Their hips wanting in and up. 174 00:20:59,881 --> 00:21:01,101 And their dicks. 175 00:21:02,250 --> 00:21:03,250 And his. 176 00:21:04,117 --> 00:21:05,781 Me sitting next to him. 177 00:21:07,181 --> 00:21:08,841 Feeling the heat of him. 178 00:21:10,177 --> 00:21:11,497 Without even looking. 179 00:22:11,207 --> 00:22:12,587 What you doing out here? 180 00:22:19,651 --> 00:22:21,351 What's the a matter with you, huh? 181 00:22:25,965 --> 00:22:27,965 I want you to hold that up. 182 00:22:32,342 --> 00:22:33,342 I love you. 183 00:22:51,021 --> 00:22:52,664 You're a fucking whore. 184 00:23:00,853 --> 00:23:02,353 You got something to say to me? 185 00:23:03,541 --> 00:23:04,541 Huh? 186 00:23:11,726 --> 00:23:13,059 Can you move the fuck out— 187 00:23:13,815 --> 00:23:14,815 What did y— 188 00:23:15,001 --> 00:23:16,441 What did you just say? 189 00:23:19,654 --> 00:23:20,774 Fuck you. 190 00:23:21,770 --> 00:23:23,270 Motherfucker. 191 00:23:24,838 --> 00:23:29,037 Get this fuck out of my way! 192 00:24:06,291 --> 00:24:08,291 All I thought… 193 00:24:13,836 --> 00:24:15,790 was my own wide open cunt. 194 00:24:21,463 --> 00:24:22,663 As open as a mouth. 195 00:24:24,117 --> 00:24:25,117 Screaming. 196 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:25,600 Mother— 197 00:24:25,690 --> 00:24:26,090 mother— 198 00:24:26,180 --> 00:24:26,580 mother— 199 00:24:26,699 --> 00:24:27,399 fucker. 200 00:24:52,165 --> 00:24:54,468 I didn't know a girl body could do that. 201 00:24:57,561 --> 00:24:59,100 Shoot cum. 202 00:25:30,836 --> 00:25:31,623 My own thoughts. 203 00:25:31,747 --> 00:25:32,247 Mine. 204 00:25:32,389 --> 00:25:33,832 My own space, my own clothes. 205 00:25:33,947 --> 00:25:35,613 My own days, my own nights. 206 00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:36,380 Mine. 207 00:25:37,076 --> 00:25:37,771 My own sex. 208 00:25:39,198 --> 00:25:40,458 My own food, my own fault. 209 00:25:40,547 --> 00:25:41,167 My own friends. 210 00:25:41,258 --> 00:25:42,036 Mine. 211 00:25:44,458 --> 00:25:45,458 Mine. 212 00:25:48,681 --> 00:25:49,681 Mine. 213 00:25:52,609 --> 00:25:53,947 My own freedom. 214 00:26:18,671 --> 00:26:21,651 Like something pressed so far down in a body… 215 00:26:23,762 --> 00:26:25,362 it had to explode. 216 00:26:29,871 --> 00:26:30,871 Yuck! 217 00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:37,180 Where do you think you're going? 218 00:26:39,599 --> 00:26:40,599 I know you. 219 00:26:43,884 --> 00:26:44,984 You're going nowhere. 220 00:27:04,185 --> 00:27:07,184 ♪ Dwelt a miner, forty-niner ♪ 221 00:27:07,251 --> 00:27:10,362 ♪ And his daughter, Clementine ♪ 222 00:27:15,210 --> 00:27:18,296 ♪ Oh my darling, oh my darling ♪ 223 00:27:18,430 --> 00:27:21,429 ♪ Oh my darling, Clementine ♪ 224 00:27:22,963 --> 00:27:26,252 ♪ You are lost and gone forever ♪ 225 00:27:36,121 --> 00:27:37,801 So far from my father. 226 00:27:37,887 --> 00:27:38,776 So far. 227 00:27:38,887 --> 00:27:40,487 So far from my father… 228 00:27:42,842 --> 00:27:44,381 So far from my father. 229 00:28:06,867 --> 00:28:08,367 I love your hands. 230 00:28:10,175 --> 00:28:11,675 I love your voice. 231 00:28:13,751 --> 00:28:17,551 It's my father and my brother who have the real voices. 232 00:28:18,984 --> 00:28:21,284 I always hear them in my head. 233 00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:23,359 Really? 234 00:28:25,270 --> 00:28:26,430 What are they saying? 235 00:28:30,955 --> 00:28:32,955 They're singing Amazing Grace. 236 00:28:37,231 --> 00:28:38,731 Voices of God. 237 00:28:40,011 --> 00:28:41,211 Fuck me. 238 00:28:42,633 --> 00:28:43,633 Yeah? 239 00:28:45,693 --> 00:28:47,899 Yeah, really. 240 00:28:48,821 --> 00:28:50,021 Fuck me. 241 00:29:00,691 --> 00:29:01,691 Poor Phillip. 242 00:29:04,872 --> 00:29:07,147 I wish I could go back and apologise. 243 00:29:21,354 --> 00:29:26,503 ♪ The way it's been going ♪ 244 00:29:28,161 --> 00:29:30,757 ♪ And I know the peace will come. ♪ 245 00:29:32,009 --> 00:29:34,692 Fuck all y'all! 246 00:29:34,823 --> 00:29:36,809 Eat me! 247 00:29:37,042 --> 00:29:39,114 ♪ I've been a-searching ♪ 248 00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:42,583 ♪ For the dolphins ♪ 249 00:29:42,725 --> 00:29:45,559 It's just a regular James Taylor, 250 00:29:46,127 --> 00:29:49,675 singing his heart out here in Texas. 251 00:29:51,034 --> 00:29:53,874 ♪ And sometimes I wonder ♪ 252 00:29:55,027 --> 00:29:57,027 ♪ Do you ever ♪ 253 00:29:57,821 --> 00:29:59,854 ♪ Think of me? ♪ 254 00:30:03,601 --> 00:30:06,744 ♪ This world may never change ♪ 255 00:30:09,978 --> 00:30:15,319 ♪ The way it's been going ♪ 256 00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:19,827 ♪ And I know the peace will come ♪ 257 00:30:25,871 --> 00:30:26,871 Lidia. 258 00:30:26,971 --> 00:30:28,331 Why do you always do that? 259 00:30:34,638 --> 00:30:36,237 It's funny, come on! 260 00:30:36,614 --> 00:30:38,821 It's funny you feel it— 261 00:30:42,658 --> 00:30:44,591 You're such a pussy. 262 00:30:45,625 --> 00:30:46,608 Come on—I was— 263 00:30:46,721 --> 00:30:48,141 Learn how to take a joke. 264 00:30:48,242 --> 00:30:50,441 You're so fucking sensitive. 265 00:30:54,490 --> 00:30:58,310 This is probably one of the most pathetic things I've ever seen. 266 00:31:01,675 --> 00:31:03,141 This is what I'm… 267 00:31:04,021 --> 00:31:06,310 This is what I'm talking about, it's like… 268 00:31:06,593 --> 00:31:09,560 it's like talking to a fucking doorknob. 269 00:31:09,996 --> 00:31:12,562 Why don't you say something? 270 00:31:13,146 --> 00:31:14,696 Will you say anything? 271 00:31:14,762 --> 00:31:16,796 I'm being a fucking bitch, 272 00:31:16,860 --> 00:31:18,762 so why don't you do something about it? 273 00:31:22,741 --> 00:31:24,061 You're not a bitch. 274 00:31:27,381 --> 00:31:28,881 Fuck you, Phillip! 275 00:31:31,107 --> 00:31:34,054 You don't even fucking know me Phillip. 276 00:31:58,129 --> 00:31:59,129 Phillip 277 00:32:00,829 --> 00:32:02,829 means lover of horses… 278 00:32:05,084 --> 00:32:06,084 God damn. 279 00:32:07,654 --> 00:32:08,654 …or brotherhood. 280 00:32:20,661 --> 00:32:22,501 Wake up, motherfucker! 281 00:32:39,531 --> 00:32:40,531 Hey, Lids. 282 00:32:40,921 --> 00:32:42,221 Wanna' get out of here? 283 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,087 She's good, I'll take her back. 284 00:32:50,590 --> 00:32:51,283 Hey, man. 285 00:32:51,387 --> 00:32:52,650 Just shut that door. 286 00:32:53,283 --> 00:32:55,083 Just shut the goddamn door. 287 00:32:57,429 --> 00:32:59,512 I haven't seen you at practice. 288 00:33:00,262 --> 00:33:01,774 Yeah, I flunked out. 289 00:33:04,231 --> 00:33:05,231 That's cool. 290 00:33:15,321 --> 00:33:16,321 Huh? 291 00:33:18,571 --> 00:33:21,351 I can still feel my face. 292 00:33:32,531 --> 00:33:34,452 Addiction is in me, for sure. 293 00:33:36,848 --> 00:33:38,911 But I want to describe something else to you. 294 00:33:40,503 --> 00:33:41,763 Something smaller. 295 00:33:43,934 --> 00:33:45,574 It's a smaller word. 296 00:33:47,441 --> 00:33:48,441 Mama? 297 00:33:51,300 --> 00:33:53,998 So small, I could travel to bloodstream. 298 00:33:59,433 --> 00:34:00,433 Go away, Belle. 299 00:34:16,607 --> 00:34:17,907 Go away, Belle. 300 00:34:28,677 --> 00:34:29,727 Stay away… 301 00:34:31,593 --> 00:34:33,731 This isn't anything for you… 302 00:34:35,763 --> 00:34:37,923 I'm not talking about anything. 303 00:34:40,012 --> 00:34:42,172 I'm not talking about anything. 304 00:34:51,525 --> 00:34:53,685 I'm not talking about anything. 305 00:35:01,111 --> 00:35:02,111 Dorothy? 306 00:35:33,987 --> 00:35:35,027 I'm sorry. 307 00:35:41,751 --> 00:35:42,751 I'm sorry. 308 00:35:44,863 --> 00:35:45,863 Yeah. 309 00:35:46,954 --> 00:35:47,954 Lidia. 310 00:35:49,453 --> 00:35:51,013 You can talk to us. 311 00:35:52,006 --> 00:35:53,006 It helps. 312 00:35:54,291 --> 00:35:55,291 Trust me. 313 00:36:10,994 --> 00:36:12,696 I'm not talking about anything. 314 00:36:14,893 --> 00:36:17,658 You know, I always like to say, uh… 315 00:36:19,641 --> 00:36:22,451 find meaning in life's traffic, 316 00:36:23,912 --> 00:36:27,179 through clearing spiritual barriers. 317 00:36:52,339 --> 00:36:53,539 I'm proud of you. 318 00:36:56,158 --> 00:36:57,158 Yeah? 319 00:37:00,970 --> 00:37:02,070 Yeah. 320 00:37:03,637 --> 00:37:04,637 Yeah. 321 00:37:15,057 --> 00:37:16,057 Hey. 322 00:37:19,859 --> 00:37:21,359 Would you marry me? 323 00:37:48,100 --> 00:37:49,100 Okay. 324 00:37:52,827 --> 00:37:59,827 ♪ And children have their dreams to hold on to ♪ 325 00:38:02,241 --> 00:38:07,663 ♪ And how they fly, take us to the moon ♪ 326 00:38:09,081 --> 00:38:12,781 ♪ Yes, they flow from you. ♪ 327 00:38:14,494 --> 00:38:17,459 ♪ They flow from you. ♪ 328 00:38:19,247 --> 00:38:23,779 ♪ And they flow from you. ♪ 329 00:38:25,696 --> 00:38:31,173 ♪ And women have themselves to hold on to. ♪ 330 00:38:34,327 --> 00:38:39,677 ♪ And how they fly, take me by surprise. ♪ 331 00:38:41,546 --> 00:38:44,758 ♪ They float from me. ♪ 332 00:38:45,642 --> 00:38:49,767 ♪ They float from me. ♪ 333 00:38:51,136 --> 00:38:54,636 ♪ And they float from me. ♪ 334 00:39:28,377 --> 00:39:29,777 You did so good. 335 00:39:30,151 --> 00:39:31,688 You did so good. 336 00:39:58,996 --> 00:39:59,996 I made you some tea. 337 00:40:01,011 --> 00:40:02,131 I don't want any tea. 338 00:40:02,329 --> 00:40:03,651 What are we going to do? 339 00:40:07,153 --> 00:40:08,153 Lidia, 340 00:40:09,231 --> 00:40:10,471 I love you. 341 00:40:12,091 --> 00:40:15,402 And whatever you want to do, I'll support it. 342 00:40:20,244 --> 00:40:21,244 That's it? 343 00:40:26,481 --> 00:40:31,841 I need more than nothing from the most passive man on the fucking planet. 344 00:40:47,971 --> 00:40:49,731 Sorry, I've been kind of sick. 345 00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:56,295 You don't want anything, 346 00:40:56,473 --> 00:40:59,691 and you are killing me with or not wanting anything. 347 00:41:01,101 --> 00:41:02,201 What were you thinking? 348 00:41:02,471 --> 00:41:03,471 I don't know. 349 00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:05,100 I don't know, I don't know. 350 00:41:05,187 --> 00:41:06,927 It's fucking impossible. 351 00:41:07,577 --> 00:41:12,440 I can't stand how nice he— I can't stand how nice he is, but… 352 00:41:13,306 --> 00:41:15,782 I couldn't have killed it either. 353 00:41:18,387 --> 00:41:19,387 I was thinking of… 354 00:41:21,679 --> 00:41:23,829 maybe there's a world in which I… 355 00:41:25,511 --> 00:41:27,011 I come and… 356 00:41:27,673 --> 00:41:32,500 live with you and Eugene, and take some classes where you're teaching and… 357 00:41:33,250 --> 00:41:36,433 I don't know, maybe we could start like a little… 358 00:41:39,061 --> 00:41:40,061 family. 359 00:41:45,733 --> 00:41:47,581 - Yes. - Because I think my— 360 00:41:47,731 --> 00:41:52,131 I think my life with him is going to be like some sad, sad fucking country song. 361 00:41:52,215 --> 00:41:53,965 - And I—I—this is the only thing… - Lidi, Lidia. 362 00:41:54,048 --> 00:41:55,548 - This is the only thing that I could— - I—I said yes. 363 00:41:56,904 --> 00:41:57,944 Come home. 364 00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:04,280 Okay. 365 00:42:07,693 --> 00:42:08,693 Cool. 366 00:42:10,871 --> 00:42:12,871 Because she left me once 367 00:42:14,071 --> 00:42:16,071 to save her own life. 368 00:42:24,921 --> 00:42:26,344 What are you two doing back there, huh? 369 00:42:26,431 --> 00:42:27,431 Playing with yourselves? 370 00:42:29,701 --> 00:42:30,701 What? 371 00:42:31,341 --> 00:42:33,567 I bring them to the most beautiful scenery in the world, and… 372 00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:35,850 and they're just playing grab-ass? 373 00:42:38,584 --> 00:42:40,504 Look out the goddamn window! 374 00:42:58,852 --> 00:42:59,852 Claudia. 375 00:43:01,023 --> 00:43:02,821 Grab the hack saw from under your mother's seat. 376 00:43:03,973 --> 00:43:04,973 Come on! 377 00:43:05,057 --> 00:43:06,057 Let's go. 378 00:43:30,891 --> 00:43:32,291 Here you go, sweetheart. 379 00:43:33,031 --> 00:43:34,031 For sustenance. 380 00:43:35,540 --> 00:43:36,840 For sustenance. 381 00:43:39,251 --> 00:43:40,251 You don't want it? 382 00:43:48,271 --> 00:43:50,556 Come on, honey, just have a little sip, it'll warn you. 383 00:43:51,031 --> 00:43:52,031 Mmm! 384 00:44:22,737 --> 00:44:24,237 Well thank God. 385 00:44:32,194 --> 00:44:33,194 Where's the tree? 386 00:44:45,598 --> 00:44:46,598 There. 387 00:44:47,724 --> 00:44:49,064 That's the picture. 388 00:44:58,951 --> 00:44:59,951 Welcome home. 389 00:45:06,171 --> 00:45:07,171 Come on in. 390 00:45:07,891 --> 00:45:08,891 I'll get that. 391 00:45:09,071 --> 00:45:10,211 Why, because I'm pregnant? 392 00:45:10,587 --> 00:45:11,587 Yeah. 393 00:45:37,461 --> 00:45:39,461 - Here. - Thanks. 394 00:45:44,491 --> 00:45:45,491 Fuck. 395 00:45:53,383 --> 00:45:54,666 Thank you, Claudia. 396 00:46:03,892 --> 00:46:06,442 Do you remember when you used to make me do things? 397 00:46:09,530 --> 00:46:10,530 Like… 398 00:46:11,591 --> 00:46:12,591 Here! 399 00:46:12,871 --> 00:46:13,951 Bite this apple. 400 00:46:14,300 --> 00:46:16,171 And you'd just sock it out my mouth. 401 00:46:18,910 --> 00:46:20,846 Here, smell this ashtray. 402 00:46:20,941 --> 00:46:21,741 Just blow it. 403 00:46:21,824 --> 00:46:22,624 One, 404 00:46:22,750 --> 00:46:23,550 two, 405 00:46:23,662 --> 00:46:25,829 ashes all over my fucking face. 406 00:46:30,587 --> 00:46:32,204 I would have done anything. 407 00:46:36,697 --> 00:46:38,537 You were mythic to me. 408 00:46:42,701 --> 00:46:45,581 I remember when I went downstairs after you moved into the basement. 409 00:46:46,713 --> 00:46:52,213 And I realised how smart that was then, but… 410 00:46:54,165 --> 00:46:58,181 I used to look at all of your stuff and used to touch it. 411 00:47:00,301 --> 00:47:03,996 One time I found a razor blade in your purse, cut myself on it. 412 00:47:05,341 --> 00:47:07,229 Made the fact that I had to pee hurt. 413 00:47:21,335 --> 00:47:22,335 I, um… 414 00:47:25,338 --> 00:47:29,832 I know that this is a… sacrifice. 415 00:47:32,098 --> 00:47:33,298 No, what? 416 00:47:35,184 --> 00:47:36,184 It's just you— 417 00:47:39,011 --> 00:47:40,723 You were so little. 418 00:47:48,521 --> 00:47:49,521 Yeah. 419 00:47:54,184 --> 00:47:55,184 Well… 420 00:47:57,751 --> 00:48:00,551 This is one way to Frankenstein your life. 421 00:48:09,891 --> 00:48:10,891 Maybe… 422 00:48:11,291 --> 00:48:13,511 I've been waiting for this. 423 00:48:38,205 --> 00:48:39,205 Yes. 424 00:48:40,180 --> 00:48:41,180 Breathe. 425 00:48:43,572 --> 00:48:44,572 I know. 426 00:48:50,431 --> 00:48:51,431 You… 427 00:48:51,882 --> 00:48:52,882 can… 428 00:48:53,291 --> 00:48:54,291 do it. 429 00:49:36,721 --> 00:49:37,721 Where is she? 430 00:49:40,428 --> 00:49:41,428 Can I hold her? 431 00:49:43,114 --> 00:49:44,114 Ah, yeah. 432 00:50:15,571 --> 00:50:16,971 Her lips are pink. 433 00:50:19,997 --> 00:50:20,997 They're pink. 434 00:51:37,358 --> 00:51:38,358 Just… 435 00:51:40,270 --> 00:51:42,070 throw it as far as you can. 436 00:52:07,374 --> 00:52:08,574 It's not funny. 437 00:52:12,984 --> 00:52:13,984 Get it. 438 00:53:07,411 --> 00:53:08,411 Sorry. 439 00:53:47,276 --> 00:53:48,276 Look, 440 00:53:48,631 --> 00:53:50,271 she's all over you. 441 00:53:52,051 --> 00:53:53,691 You're a fucking liar. 442 00:54:27,791 --> 00:54:30,011 What lived and died between us… 443 00:54:32,561 --> 00:54:33,741 haunts me… 444 00:54:35,058 --> 00:54:36,058 still. 445 00:54:39,776 --> 00:54:40,976 Goddamn, girl. 446 00:54:41,659 --> 00:54:43,211 What are you, some kind of a mermaid? 447 00:54:45,304 --> 00:54:46,304 Yup. 448 00:54:51,891 --> 00:54:53,191 You got something to say? 449 00:54:55,331 --> 00:54:56,331 No way. 450 00:54:58,631 --> 00:54:59,631 Come on! 451 00:55:01,331 --> 00:55:02,511 You deserve this. 452 00:55:03,074 --> 00:55:04,314 You don't want to come with me? 453 00:55:05,318 --> 00:55:07,701 This is crazy, I'm not even a grad student. 454 00:55:07,801 --> 00:55:09,434 I'm basically just trolling the English department. 455 00:55:09,501 --> 00:55:12,491 You think Kesey gives a rat's ass about U of O rules? 456 00:55:12,880 --> 00:55:16,351 - You will regret not doing this. - They won't even let me enrol. 457 00:55:17,032 --> 00:55:19,116 Bullshit, I already told them about you. 458 00:55:19,832 --> 00:55:20,832 The— 459 00:55:22,074 --> 00:55:23,074 These… 460 00:55:26,091 --> 00:55:27,111 He's gonna love you. 461 00:55:32,751 --> 00:55:34,591 You don't want to write a novel with Ken Kesey? 462 00:55:56,311 --> 00:55:57,311 Hey, everyone. 463 00:55:57,757 --> 00:55:59,791 Um, hey everybody, hey. 464 00:56:03,767 --> 00:56:04,867 You're an idiot. 465 00:56:05,311 --> 00:56:07,551 Hi. Um, this is Lidia. 466 00:56:09,788 --> 00:56:11,788 - Say hi. - Hi. 467 00:56:14,504 --> 00:56:15,504 Well, hello. 468 00:56:16,471 --> 00:56:17,571 What do we have here? 469 00:56:18,418 --> 00:56:19,641 A triple-A tootsie? 470 00:56:23,567 --> 00:56:25,267 I know what happened to you. 471 00:56:28,897 --> 00:56:30,597 Death is a motherfucker. 472 00:56:42,899 --> 00:56:43,899 Shit. 473 00:56:44,811 --> 00:56:46,871 Jeff, you think you can roll one? 474 00:56:47,349 --> 00:56:49,807 I always hate you sitting in a room full of writers. 475 00:56:49,874 --> 00:56:50,874 Sure. 476 00:57:00,447 --> 00:57:01,747 The chair will be fine. 477 00:57:03,411 --> 00:57:05,522 I want you all… 478 00:57:11,022 --> 00:57:12,591 I want you all to be winners. 479 00:57:13,655 --> 00:57:17,122 I want you to be warriors. 480 00:57:18,371 --> 00:57:19,371 Warriors. 481 00:57:20,224 --> 00:57:21,774 I'll give you the warrior test. 482 00:57:22,691 --> 00:57:23,691 Ship floats. 483 00:57:24,654 --> 00:57:25,654 Cream rises. 484 00:57:26,224 --> 00:57:27,224 Ship floats. 485 00:57:27,790 --> 00:57:28,790 Jerry Rubin. 486 00:57:31,071 --> 00:57:32,191 Cream rises. 487 00:57:40,331 --> 00:57:41,331 Fron Getty. 488 00:57:44,311 --> 00:57:45,311 Lord Buckley. 489 00:57:46,431 --> 00:57:47,431 Lenny Bruce. 490 00:57:48,880 --> 00:57:49,880 The greats. 491 00:57:52,037 --> 00:57:53,537 I want you to be great. 492 00:57:56,111 --> 00:57:57,489 Shit, somebody… 493 00:57:58,916 --> 00:58:03,108 has got to create our culture for the next 50 years, and I want it to be you. 494 00:58:03,289 --> 00:58:04,671 Alright, there are only two rules. 495 00:58:05,054 --> 00:58:10,974 One: do not talk the plot of our novel to anyone outside this class. 496 00:58:11,871 --> 00:58:15,095 Two: I comprise 50% of the class, 497 00:58:15,535 --> 00:58:18,396 so we only write together, 498 00:58:19,462 --> 00:58:23,186 because we will publish or perish together. 499 00:58:29,773 --> 00:58:31,746 Nelson Algren said: 500 00:58:33,111 --> 00:58:39,301 "The job of the writer, is to pull the judge down onto the dock." 501 00:58:40,092 --> 00:58:45,491 "To make the almighty feel what it's like to be down low." 502 00:58:46,711 --> 00:58:47,751 He'll be alright. 503 00:58:49,771 --> 00:58:51,191 Grass never kill anybody. 504 00:58:52,834 --> 00:58:54,511 So, go. 505 00:58:56,231 --> 00:58:57,231 Write now. 506 00:58:58,300 --> 00:58:59,911 Write some bizarre sentences. 507 00:59:00,220 --> 00:59:02,331 Hey! Where are you? 508 00:59:03,473 --> 00:59:06,191 You can't take quaalude before the class. 509 00:59:07,033 --> 00:59:09,111 Now, disappear into your imagination. 510 00:59:09,177 --> 00:59:10,177 Come on! 511 00:59:10,659 --> 00:59:12,231 Disappear into your imagination. 512 00:59:12,304 --> 00:59:14,402 Nobody's in the room, but you and that pen. 513 00:59:23,144 --> 00:59:24,204 Here you are. 514 00:59:24,565 --> 00:59:25,951 This is the shit. 515 00:59:31,061 --> 00:59:32,801 I wrote Demon Box in here. 516 00:59:34,061 --> 00:59:35,981 This room here, is a creative room here. 517 00:59:36,082 --> 00:59:37,221 It's a creative space. 518 00:59:37,721 --> 00:59:40,921 Hey Bennet, you didn't bring the ludes with you, did ya? 519 00:59:41,332 --> 00:59:45,941 You know, those kind of drugs put you into your body, not into your mind. 520 00:59:46,636 --> 00:59:50,478 Stick with the acid, psilocybin, St. Pedro. 521 00:59:51,081 --> 00:59:55,908 Something that'll disintegrate your ego, so you can hear your inner-voice… 522 00:59:57,002 --> 00:59:58,908 …when you write from that voice… 523 01:00:01,491 --> 01:00:04,452 …you want your voice to come through you… 524 01:00:08,731 --> 01:00:10,165 Oh, Jesus. 525 01:00:12,685 --> 01:00:14,484 That's not supposed to happen. 526 01:00:15,632 --> 01:00:17,512 I got restless knees. 527 01:00:19,624 --> 01:00:20,624 Alright. 528 01:00:21,034 --> 01:00:23,821 Let's get outside before the sun descends. 529 01:00:24,301 --> 01:00:28,901 I want you to meet someone. 530 01:00:32,257 --> 01:00:33,257 Come on. 531 01:00:33,671 --> 01:00:34,671 Fuck you, God. 532 01:00:36,651 --> 01:00:38,151 God got the commandments wrong. 533 01:00:38,231 --> 01:00:39,759 I think there's 11 commandments. 534 01:00:39,879 --> 01:00:41,254 And it should be the first commandment: 535 01:00:41,280 --> 01:00:42,240 have mercy! 536 01:00:42,503 --> 01:00:44,631 - Hey. - Lord, have mercy! 537 01:00:45,690 --> 01:00:49,251 Just think if everybody had mercy for each other, where we'd be today. 538 01:00:49,354 --> 01:00:52,231 You see a man in the street, needs a few dollars: give it to him. 539 01:00:52,338 --> 01:00:54,462 Give it to him, have mercy, he needs it. 540 01:00:55,916 --> 01:00:57,891 He wouldn't ask for it if he didn't need it. 541 01:01:00,043 --> 01:01:01,043 Mercy. 542 01:01:02,548 --> 01:01:04,188 Hire me to rewrite… 543 01:01:05,398 --> 01:01:06,398 the Bible. 544 01:01:28,703 --> 01:01:30,443 What are you, some kind of mermaid? 545 01:01:40,031 --> 01:01:41,031 Yep. 546 01:01:53,531 --> 01:01:55,731 You know when Jed died, my boy, 547 01:01:57,004 --> 01:01:59,204 I wanted this cease to exist. 548 01:02:07,540 --> 01:02:11,311 And everybody that talked to me said something asinine. 549 01:02:14,973 --> 01:02:16,753 Lord, I didn't say anything at all. 550 01:02:31,291 --> 01:02:33,511 Nobody understands death anymore. 551 01:02:38,301 --> 01:02:39,621 We used to be sacred. 552 01:02:40,241 --> 01:02:41,241 So sacred. 553 01:02:46,351 --> 01:02:47,351 Oh, shit. 554 01:02:49,691 --> 01:02:52,111 No one's big enough to hold what happens to us. 555 01:02:56,281 --> 01:03:00,841 No one is big enough to hold what happens to us. 556 01:03:07,304 --> 01:03:08,664 You got something to say? 557 01:03:17,661 --> 01:03:18,821 It's in your hands. 558 01:03:42,890 --> 01:03:45,694 Everything about my father was in his hands. 559 01:03:51,524 --> 01:03:53,619 It's all about coordination. 560 01:03:55,925 --> 01:03:58,968 A perfectly balanced dance of… 561 01:03:59,361 --> 01:04:00,481 shadow and light. 562 01:04:02,514 --> 01:04:04,834 Before my father was my father, 563 01:04:05,638 --> 01:04:06,841 he was an artist. 564 01:04:07,341 --> 01:04:08,341 And your daddy… 565 01:04:09,261 --> 01:04:12,635 won a prize for this drawing. 566 01:04:15,061 --> 01:04:17,509 Before my father was an artist, 567 01:04:18,215 --> 01:04:19,762 he was an athlete. 568 01:04:21,661 --> 01:04:23,961 Before my father was my father, 569 01:04:26,904 --> 01:04:28,620 he was beautiful. 570 01:04:29,221 --> 01:04:30,281 And she was. 571 01:04:31,001 --> 01:04:33,221 Before my father was my father, 572 01:04:34,446 --> 01:04:35,666 he was a boy. 573 01:04:36,261 --> 01:04:37,421 Just a boy. 574 01:04:38,288 --> 01:04:39,810 Who's own mother… 575 01:04:40,274 --> 01:04:42,274 cut his tongue. 576 01:04:48,111 --> 01:04:49,891 Before I hated him. 577 01:04:51,770 --> 01:04:52,770 I loved him. 578 01:04:59,097 --> 01:05:00,097 Look up. 579 01:05:00,277 --> 01:05:02,757 You know, if you don't look where you're going, you're gonna' crash, you hear me? 580 01:05:02,824 --> 01:05:05,797 When you get to the bottom of the hill, you just break enough to make a turn. 581 01:05:06,156 --> 01:05:07,156 Okay? 582 01:05:11,098 --> 01:05:12,098 Go. 583 01:05:12,531 --> 01:05:13,531 Keep your eyes on the road. 584 01:05:14,111 --> 01:05:15,111 Keep going. 585 01:05:15,784 --> 01:05:16,784 Keep your head up. 586 01:05:30,091 --> 01:05:31,091 Mike? 587 01:05:31,304 --> 01:05:32,304 Mike? 588 01:05:33,023 --> 01:05:34,023 Mike! 589 01:05:34,271 --> 01:05:36,002 - Get a flash light! - What for? 590 01:05:36,056 --> 01:05:38,269 - I think she's hurt down there. - What? 591 01:05:39,256 --> 01:05:40,122 What happened?— 592 01:05:40,216 --> 01:05:41,669 Just shut the goddamn door. 593 01:05:43,497 --> 01:05:44,497 You done with that chapter? 594 01:06:10,694 --> 01:06:11,694 Hey. 595 01:06:14,300 --> 01:06:15,300 Hello. 596 01:06:20,524 --> 01:06:22,043 I'm a writer. 597 01:06:37,141 --> 01:06:38,141 Thank you. 598 01:06:39,206 --> 01:06:40,206 Thank you. 599 01:06:40,701 --> 01:06:45,112 We are gathered because, we want to see the results. 600 01:06:45,179 --> 01:06:49,736 We want to witness the results of this experiment. 601 01:06:50,039 --> 01:06:54,221 A collaborative novel written by us. 602 01:06:55,201 --> 01:06:57,482 Please, let's welcome the first of the 603 01:06:57,562 --> 01:07:03,359 the first of the not-so-merry pranksters to the stage to present: 604 01:07:04,292 --> 01:07:05,292 Caverns. 605 01:07:06,334 --> 01:07:07,334 Lidia! 606 01:07:07,461 --> 01:07:08,461 Come on up. 607 01:07:11,639 --> 01:07:12,639 Give 'em a show. 608 01:07:34,032 --> 01:07:35,032 Hello. 609 01:07:36,021 --> 01:07:38,618 - Behind my knee. You too? - There you go. 610 01:07:38,712 --> 01:07:40,138 - And his crack. - Thank you. 611 01:07:40,378 --> 01:07:42,258 Back of my knees, and then it's like— 612 01:07:42,348 --> 01:07:43,348 Lidia's father. 613 01:07:44,774 --> 01:07:47,336 What can I say? I'm a great admirer of yours. 614 01:07:47,821 --> 01:07:49,363 Mike, is that right? 615 01:07:50,096 --> 01:07:51,096 That's right. 616 01:07:51,917 --> 01:07:53,217 Glad you could make it. 617 01:07:54,781 --> 01:07:57,201 Lidia and I, we saw a Cuckoo's Nest and uh, 618 01:07:57,524 --> 01:08:00,281 Sometimes a Great Notion together, and it's—it's just great. 619 01:08:01,281 --> 01:08:02,281 Great books. 620 01:08:05,207 --> 01:08:06,207 You know, my… 621 01:08:07,967 --> 01:08:08,967 Lidia, here? 622 01:08:11,321 --> 01:08:13,001 She can knock it out of the park. 623 01:08:17,398 --> 01:08:19,314 Do you want me to sign that? 624 01:08:23,591 --> 01:08:24,731 Thanks for coming, Dad. 625 01:08:30,674 --> 01:08:31,674 Okay. 626 01:08:32,466 --> 01:08:35,058 Too… Mike? 627 01:08:36,027 --> 01:08:37,027 Please. 628 01:08:38,914 --> 01:08:39,914 "Too Mike." 629 01:08:41,017 --> 01:08:42,017 "Be…" 630 01:08:44,227 --> 01:08:45,227 "brave." 631 01:08:55,093 --> 01:08:56,293 There you go, Mike. 632 01:09:00,917 --> 01:09:01,917 There you go. 633 01:09:03,370 --> 01:09:04,370 Yep. 634 01:09:24,740 --> 01:09:27,096 I've seen a lot of writers come and go. 635 01:09:31,110 --> 01:09:32,730 And you've got this stuff. 636 01:09:39,131 --> 01:09:40,331 I've got something for ya. 637 01:09:40,991 --> 01:09:41,991 Here. 638 01:09:44,104 --> 01:09:45,104 Here. 639 01:09:47,951 --> 01:09:51,489 He's comes from the most spiritual beach on Earth. 640 01:09:53,231 --> 01:09:54,231 Hold that. 641 01:09:56,364 --> 01:09:57,764 You're gonna hold it all. 642 01:10:00,991 --> 01:10:02,491 You're gonna hold it all, girl. 643 01:10:09,708 --> 01:10:10,708 So… 644 01:10:12,240 --> 01:10:13,240 So what's next? 645 01:10:16,751 --> 01:10:18,251 - Next? - Next. 646 01:10:18,398 --> 01:10:19,898 What is next, next? 647 01:10:28,407 --> 01:10:30,819 I wanna write the Sound and the Fury. 648 01:10:42,297 --> 01:10:43,797 Of course you do. 649 01:10:45,591 --> 01:10:46,891 Oh boy. 650 01:10:52,659 --> 01:10:54,061 Throw it, see if I can catch it. 651 01:10:54,285 --> 01:10:55,285 - Ready? - Yeah. 652 01:10:56,618 --> 01:10:58,118 - Ah! - Shit. 653 01:11:02,081 --> 01:11:05,387 - Had a lot riding on that going in. - Yeah. 654 01:11:08,333 --> 01:11:10,373 It has no metaphor. 655 01:11:11,014 --> 01:11:12,014 Okay. 656 01:11:12,101 --> 01:11:13,601 Fuck metaphors. 657 01:11:14,002 --> 01:11:16,421 - Okay. - It's just a rock that fell. 658 01:11:16,713 --> 01:11:17,713 Yeah. 659 01:11:26,078 --> 01:11:28,468 I'm gonna give the rock and I'm gonna go pee. 660 01:11:28,492 --> 01:11:29,492 Alright. 661 01:11:30,012 --> 01:11:31,631 Oh yeah, there we go. 662 01:11:31,737 --> 01:11:32,737 You got it. 663 01:11:36,264 --> 01:11:38,344 That was the last time I saw him. 664 01:11:39,444 --> 01:11:40,924 You can write girl. 665 01:11:41,559 --> 01:11:44,546 I'm of the opinion that he drowned. 666 01:11:51,322 --> 01:11:53,697 Caddy wants to fuck. 667 01:11:53,854 --> 01:11:55,254 She's insatiable. 668 01:11:55,670 --> 01:11:59,767 And because her neighbour boy man has a giant pants bulge 669 01:11:59,873 --> 01:12:02,512 and a sound that comes out of him instead of language, 670 01:12:02,593 --> 01:12:05,940 she goes over to his house, and she removes all of her clothes 671 01:12:06,047 --> 01:12:08,101 so he finally fucks her. 672 01:12:08,973 --> 01:12:10,573 And… crushes her. 673 01:12:12,601 --> 01:12:17,101 He fucks her to death and she loves it. 674 01:12:17,581 --> 01:12:20,701 And she laughs until she cries, and an ambulance has to come, 675 01:12:20,787 --> 01:12:22,147 but it's too late. 676 01:12:23,561 --> 01:12:25,321 That is the Sound and the Fury. 677 01:12:27,061 --> 01:12:28,061 Trite. 678 01:12:29,481 --> 01:12:31,741 Look, I've already read the Sound and the Fury. 679 01:12:32,614 --> 01:12:35,014 Reworking Faulkner is some college shit. 680 01:12:40,140 --> 01:12:41,640 Maybe try something original. 681 01:12:44,833 --> 01:12:45,833 God. 682 01:12:46,401 --> 01:12:47,501 I hate them. 683 01:12:48,041 --> 01:12:49,041 Hey. 684 01:12:49,621 --> 01:12:51,401 What the hell does he know? 685 01:12:51,927 --> 01:12:53,247 It is original. 686 01:12:53,507 --> 01:12:55,507 It's a fucking pastiche. 687 01:12:56,381 --> 01:12:57,213 Hey! 688 01:12:58,000 --> 01:12:59,000 Hey! 689 01:12:59,418 --> 01:13:01,582 You wanna go to the coast? I got us a room. 690 01:13:01,847 --> 01:13:02,847 Hi, Hannah. 691 01:13:03,241 --> 01:13:04,717 We're actually gonna work on these this weekend— 692 01:13:04,757 --> 01:13:06,021 Yeah right, come on. 693 01:13:06,100 --> 01:13:07,100 Is your fly undone? 694 01:13:08,553 --> 01:13:09,394 Lids— 695 01:13:10,795 --> 01:13:11,795 What is that? 696 01:13:16,554 --> 01:13:17,688 I fucking dare you. 697 01:13:20,625 --> 01:13:21,625 Come on. 698 01:13:22,705 --> 01:13:23,705 Anything. 699 01:13:24,977 --> 01:13:25,977 Anytime. 700 01:13:27,244 --> 01:13:28,244 Anywhere. 701 01:13:29,288 --> 01:13:30,088 Please be careful. 702 01:13:30,153 --> 01:13:33,051 To feel absolutely nothing. 703 01:13:37,662 --> 01:13:39,071 I'm gonna grab some firewood. 704 01:13:39,851 --> 01:13:41,211 Don't do anything I wouldn't do. 705 01:14:04,190 --> 01:14:05,961 Is this like a… 706 01:14:07,448 --> 01:14:08,748 a fuck trip? 707 01:14:14,020 --> 01:14:15,020 What? 708 01:14:17,475 --> 01:14:19,794 I've never… I've never ate pussy. 709 01:15:29,091 --> 01:15:31,020 I wanted to stay like that. 710 01:15:40,490 --> 01:15:42,270 Outside of any word. 711 01:16:18,764 --> 01:16:19,764 You okay? 712 01:17:06,737 --> 01:17:07,937 I love you, Lids. 713 01:17:19,202 --> 01:17:20,402 I really love you. 714 01:17:43,783 --> 01:17:44,883 I'll see you later. 715 01:17:59,391 --> 01:18:00,391 In water, 716 01:18:01,930 --> 01:18:03,030 like in books, 717 01:18:06,364 --> 01:18:07,664 you can leave your life. 718 01:18:30,989 --> 01:18:31,935 I got it! 719 01:18:32,056 --> 01:18:32,828 No, I got— 720 01:18:32,935 --> 01:18:34,651 I remember a happy childhood. 721 01:18:35,988 --> 01:18:36,988 Come on, come on! 722 01:18:37,055 --> 01:18:39,350 We dive, we swim, we race, we… 723 01:18:39,374 --> 01:18:40,874 Lidia went fast that time. 724 01:18:41,187 --> 01:18:43,615 …we laugh like other people's children. 725 01:18:53,181 --> 01:18:56,897 I remember first and last names, like Evie Kosenkranius and 726 01:18:56,977 --> 01:18:58,677 Lynn Collella Bell. 727 01:18:58,929 --> 01:19:01,662 Lynn Collella Bell, Lynn Collella Bell… 728 01:19:05,717 --> 01:19:07,637 Making song loops in my skull. 729 01:19:07,737 --> 01:19:09,064 ♪ Lynn Colle— ♪ 730 01:19:09,144 --> 01:19:11,277 ♪ Lynn Collella Bell ♪ 731 01:19:32,977 --> 01:19:33,977 Mono? 732 01:19:35,404 --> 01:19:37,236 Isn't that the kissing disease? 733 01:19:40,763 --> 01:19:42,891 No, don't be silly. 734 01:19:46,208 --> 01:19:48,408 Everything's gonna be okay, Belle. You'll see. 735 01:19:48,817 --> 01:19:50,217 You're gonna feel better. 736 01:19:53,791 --> 01:19:55,811 And your dad's gonna take real good care of you. 737 01:19:58,242 --> 01:19:59,242 Aren't ya? 738 01:19:59,350 --> 01:20:02,131 - We'll be alright. - Okay, Mama's gonna go sell some houses. 739 01:20:05,461 --> 01:20:06,661 Hey, honey. 740 01:20:12,391 --> 01:20:13,756 My baby girl. 741 01:20:15,011 --> 01:20:16,903 You just give it a couple of days. 742 01:20:23,549 --> 01:20:25,828 It is language letting me say… 743 01:20:25,894 --> 01:20:26,894 There ya go. 744 01:20:26,987 --> 01:20:28,907 …how four weeks can years. 745 01:20:31,988 --> 01:20:37,348 It is the yielding expanse of a white page. 746 01:21:15,734 --> 01:21:17,534 Have you shown these to anyone? 747 01:21:20,410 --> 01:21:21,410 No. 748 01:21:29,401 --> 01:21:32,181 It's getting, scarves. 749 01:21:35,057 --> 01:21:39,311 People always ask me why my work is so dark. 750 01:21:41,664 --> 01:21:44,484 What do you know about pain, Lidia? 751 01:21:45,617 --> 01:21:46,617 Um… 752 01:21:49,951 --> 01:21:50,951 I know that… 753 01:21:53,352 --> 01:21:55,171 it matters to me. 754 01:21:57,684 --> 01:21:59,184 I'm gonna take care of you. 755 01:22:03,901 --> 01:22:04,901 Do you understand? 756 01:22:11,041 --> 01:22:12,741 Now, ask me for what you want. 757 01:22:17,550 --> 01:22:18,550 Um… 758 01:22:20,847 --> 01:22:22,347 That's not right, Angel. 759 01:22:23,037 --> 01:22:24,037 Um… 760 01:22:25,557 --> 01:22:26,557 Um… 761 01:22:27,970 --> 01:22:33,641 I… want… you too… 762 01:22:34,979 --> 01:22:35,979 Hmm? 763 01:22:37,528 --> 01:22:39,228 Knock it out of me. 764 01:22:45,566 --> 01:22:47,066 To whip me. 765 01:22:48,561 --> 01:22:50,742 Where would you like to be whipped? 766 01:22:51,507 --> 01:22:52,707 Angel? 767 01:22:56,772 --> 01:22:57,532 Everywhere. 768 01:23:03,787 --> 01:23:04,987 Take it somewhere. 769 01:23:08,887 --> 01:23:10,639 Take the pain somewhere. 770 01:23:17,430 --> 01:23:18,430 Mama… 771 01:23:29,000 --> 01:23:30,693 I am proud of you. 772 01:23:42,331 --> 01:23:44,151 I'm not trying to creep you out. 773 01:23:52,710 --> 01:23:54,130 I'm trying to be precise. 774 01:24:04,134 --> 01:24:05,630 At the moment, my mother was whining, 775 01:24:05,654 --> 01:24:06,977 daddy was smelling my cunt. 776 01:24:07,001 --> 01:24:09,124 "I've reached my best moment now," he explained. 777 01:24:09,148 --> 01:24:10,910 Now I was sure what he was referring to. 778 01:24:10,934 --> 01:24:12,374 This is the moment of truth. 779 01:24:12,398 --> 01:24:14,647 "I'm going off, off, off, jacking it off." 780 01:24:14,671 --> 01:24:16,393 "My hands are gonna be broken from this one." 781 01:24:16,417 --> 01:24:17,846 I don't even recognise my own body. 782 01:24:17,870 --> 01:24:18,653 It doesn't matter. 783 01:24:18,677 --> 01:24:19,580 "I know you're mine." 784 01:24:19,604 --> 01:24:21,106 "I made you, I'm making you." 785 01:24:21,130 --> 01:24:22,560 "I swore I'd live for pleasure." 786 01:24:22,584 --> 01:24:24,426 "My tongue is fucking enormous, feel it." 787 01:24:24,450 --> 01:24:25,680 It's reaching down to my waist. 788 01:24:25,704 --> 01:24:28,698 You're seeing your actual father in his moment of truth. 789 01:24:28,722 --> 01:24:30,048 God Almighty, nothing matters. 790 01:24:30,072 --> 01:24:31,026 "You're my God." 791 01:24:31,050 --> 01:24:31,900 "My daughter." 792 01:24:31,924 --> 01:24:32,719 "I worship you." 793 01:24:32,743 --> 01:24:34,333 "I beg you to do it so I can please you." 794 01:24:34,357 --> 01:24:37,047 "Now look at it, it's big in my corkscrewing hand." 795 01:24:37,071 --> 01:24:37,786 "Kiss it." 796 01:24:37,810 --> 01:24:38,926 My father explained again, 797 01:24:38,950 --> 01:24:41,333 "I am fucking God and I made God." 798 01:24:41,357 --> 01:24:42,020 "Holy shit." 799 01:24:42,044 --> 01:24:44,000 "All I have to do is look at God and God is happy." 800 01:24:44,024 --> 01:24:45,313 "Because I've made God cum." 801 01:24:45,337 --> 01:24:46,783 "God is in heaven. I'm in heaven." 802 01:24:46,808 --> 01:24:48,432 "And I've died. The whole world in heaven." 803 01:24:48,457 --> 01:24:50,019 "I'm coming all over your face." 804 01:24:50,044 --> 01:24:50,857 I licked up his sperm— 805 01:24:50,882 --> 01:24:51,882 This is making me sick. 806 01:25:12,137 --> 01:25:14,137 Who in the hell do you think you are? 807 01:25:16,523 --> 01:25:19,023 My father's daughter. 808 01:25:59,863 --> 01:26:00,877 Goddammit. 809 01:26:02,148 --> 01:26:02,975 Year one. 810 01:26:03,576 --> 01:26:04,576 Vodka! 811 01:26:07,266 --> 01:26:09,866 I drink vodka, mostly all the time. 812 01:26:12,622 --> 01:26:14,342 And felt nothing about myself. 813 01:26:17,941 --> 01:26:19,221 We drank, we laughed. 814 01:26:20,977 --> 01:26:22,661 We make fucked body paint shadows. 815 01:26:24,880 --> 01:26:26,080 We make performance art. 816 01:26:26,513 --> 01:26:27,385 We perform ourselves. 817 01:26:27,442 --> 01:26:28,659 Fuck you doing!? 818 01:26:40,821 --> 01:26:42,963 We carve each other's names into our bodies. 819 01:26:53,085 --> 01:26:54,085 We fuck septic. 820 01:26:54,262 --> 01:26:57,221 You're right in front of me there, and I can see that was happening. 821 01:26:57,343 --> 01:26:59,681 - You don't even realise… - I don't ever realise what? 822 01:26:59,797 --> 01:27:01,610 - I don't even— - Realise I have to fucking marry you. 823 01:27:06,121 --> 01:27:07,381 To my contour team. 824 01:27:08,801 --> 01:27:10,121 I'm so happy they f— 825 01:27:13,901 --> 01:27:15,221 To escape to year six. 826 01:27:16,690 --> 01:27:18,621 My underwater stories start itching. 827 01:27:19,560 --> 01:27:22,036 And yelling begins a rhythm where drinking gets louder and— 828 01:27:22,078 --> 01:27:25,465 Go back to kissing women I know and kissing women I don't know. 829 01:27:25,531 --> 01:27:27,548 And what is a couple over time but a line? 830 01:27:27,615 --> 01:27:28,815 I'll show you the fucking line. 831 01:27:28,855 --> 01:27:31,661 Your fucking bullshit is taking over the house! 832 01:27:31,754 --> 01:27:33,668 It was taking over the house. 833 01:27:39,273 --> 01:27:40,273 Oh, no. 834 01:27:41,766 --> 01:27:42,766 Oh, no… 835 01:27:44,526 --> 01:27:45,526 oh, no. 836 01:27:54,594 --> 01:27:55,621 The fuck— 837 01:28:01,333 --> 01:28:03,132 I don't wanna fuck. 838 01:28:04,679 --> 01:28:06,479 I want to read. 839 01:28:08,396 --> 01:28:09,396 Fuck you. 840 01:28:15,271 --> 01:28:17,089 I didn't want to drink. 841 01:28:19,478 --> 01:28:20,958 I wanted to write. 842 01:28:30,102 --> 01:28:31,968 Just a couple over time… 843 01:28:36,881 --> 01:28:38,783 Year seven of the finish my dissertation. 844 01:28:45,714 --> 01:28:47,554 Year eight, I got a PhD. 845 01:29:04,107 --> 01:29:05,107 Year ten, 846 01:29:06,321 --> 01:29:07,321 you pretend. 847 01:29:12,150 --> 01:29:13,395 You said that… 848 01:29:15,882 --> 01:29:16,882 Huh? 849 01:29:16,947 --> 01:29:19,107 …you would love me until I die. 850 01:29:23,597 --> 01:29:26,297 You said we would die together in love. 851 01:29:40,264 --> 01:29:42,264 You said it to me. 852 01:29:46,361 --> 01:29:47,501 Where are you? 853 01:29:49,259 --> 01:29:50,300 Huh? 854 01:29:54,764 --> 01:29:56,024 Where is the man… 855 01:30:12,330 --> 01:30:14,290 …who would love a woman like me? 856 01:30:58,220 --> 01:30:59,460 Don't you dare. 857 01:33:01,424 --> 01:33:03,684 "…the date of your reading…" 858 01:33:26,984 --> 01:33:27,984 What? 859 01:34:03,520 --> 01:34:04,820 …Lidia Yuknavitch. 860 01:34:08,280 --> 01:34:09,780 Lidia, please. 861 01:34:09,932 --> 01:34:10,932 Welcome. 862 01:34:25,384 --> 01:34:27,384 The day my daughter was born. 863 01:34:29,551 --> 01:34:31,551 After I held the future. 864 01:34:35,770 --> 01:34:36,970 Still born. 865 01:34:40,657 --> 01:34:41,657 And pink. 866 01:34:46,797 --> 01:34:48,397 And rose-lipped— 867 01:34:50,979 --> 01:34:54,326 And rose-lipped in my shivering arms. 868 01:34:54,873 --> 01:34:58,573 Little tragedies are difficult to keep straight. 869 01:35:03,750 --> 01:35:07,150 Chronology convinces us we are moving toward a real place. 870 01:35:07,337 --> 01:35:09,625 Swimmers to your marks. 871 01:35:11,024 --> 01:35:12,024 A gunshot. 872 01:35:12,697 --> 01:35:15,215 A gunshot released our tense flesh. 873 01:35:16,751 --> 01:35:21,311 Fathers were often uncontainable while the little women swam for their lives. 874 01:35:21,641 --> 01:35:22,841 Swim. 875 01:35:24,291 --> 01:35:25,591 Swim. 876 01:35:26,171 --> 01:35:27,171 Hurry. 877 01:35:28,671 --> 01:35:30,271 Come on, baby. 878 01:35:31,630 --> 01:35:32,630 Harder. 879 01:35:33,230 --> 01:35:34,230 Harder. 880 01:35:35,171 --> 01:35:36,171 Faster. 881 01:35:36,285 --> 01:35:43,230 A cacophony of men swelling and pressing down on the wet motion. 882 01:35:45,132 --> 01:35:49,385 How many times did I slip into the chlorinated depths, 883 01:35:49,957 --> 01:35:57,065 secretly hoping to shed this useless skin and emerge something… 884 01:36:01,791 --> 01:36:02,791 amphibious. 885 01:36:05,316 --> 01:36:06,916 And without gender. 886 01:36:15,227 --> 01:36:16,727 This thing is… 887 01:36:20,588 --> 01:36:24,096 this letting everything in, 888 01:36:25,554 --> 01:36:28,494 and waiting to see what comes out… 889 01:36:31,707 --> 01:36:32,707 is creepy. 890 01:36:34,594 --> 01:36:35,894 And idiotic. 891 01:36:37,691 --> 01:36:41,281 It's starting to piss me off 892 01:36:41,440 --> 01:36:45,401 that I have to even think about that hole. 893 01:36:46,154 --> 01:36:47,654 What I am saying is… 894 01:36:52,601 --> 01:36:56,941 there is a woman in a room, who is tired of looking down. 895 01:36:59,814 --> 01:37:01,164 And bleeding. 896 01:37:02,524 --> 01:37:03,524 And… 897 01:37:03,591 --> 01:37:05,211 bearing and itching. 898 01:37:05,877 --> 01:37:07,507 And aching. 899 01:37:08,444 --> 01:37:11,827 And tired of remaining open, 900 01:37:12,557 --> 01:37:16,444 with no hope of suturing herself up. 901 01:37:26,761 --> 01:37:28,601 It isn't that I want it gone. 902 01:37:32,741 --> 01:37:33,741 It's that… 903 01:37:34,862 --> 01:37:38,035 I want, wanting… 904 01:37:39,716 --> 01:37:43,622 to come from somewhere else. 905 01:37:48,741 --> 01:37:53,497 There are moments between years, that surface with great force. 906 01:37:55,221 --> 01:37:56,447 Remind me why we're here? 907 01:37:56,799 --> 01:37:58,126 I thought this was your idea. 908 01:37:58,967 --> 01:38:00,087 I came here with you. 909 01:38:05,098 --> 01:38:06,098 Delusion. 910 01:38:08,705 --> 01:38:10,205 Grown women are idiots. 911 01:38:12,304 --> 01:38:13,304 I don't know… 912 01:38:14,631 --> 01:38:15,831 She begged. 913 01:38:22,321 --> 01:38:23,621 I changed my name. 914 01:38:29,978 --> 01:38:30,978 Mike? 915 01:38:32,336 --> 01:38:34,896 Lidia! Lidia! 916 01:38:35,469 --> 01:38:38,029 Lidia! Lidia! 917 01:38:38,189 --> 01:38:40,189 Mike! Lidia! 918 01:38:40,352 --> 01:38:41,852 Lidia! 919 01:38:42,029 --> 01:38:43,861 - Turn him over! - Come help me! 920 01:39:03,571 --> 01:39:04,571 Kill. 921 01:39:06,249 --> 01:39:08,869 Or suck the killing back. 922 01:39:13,071 --> 01:39:14,411 And pump it, 923 01:39:15,490 --> 01:39:18,770 into this story of someone else. 924 01:39:22,099 --> 01:39:26,246 My father lost his memory from hypoxia that day. 925 01:39:30,791 --> 01:39:32,591 I did not kill him. 926 01:39:34,550 --> 01:39:36,050 I did not save him. 927 01:39:37,991 --> 01:39:42,191 I am learning to live on land. 928 01:39:45,150 --> 01:39:46,150 Um… 929 01:39:50,636 --> 01:39:52,289 Thanks, yeah that—that's it… 930 01:40:07,760 --> 01:40:10,174 Have your parents read this story? And what do they think— 931 01:40:10,281 --> 01:40:11,441 Mm-hmm. 932 01:40:11,507 --> 01:40:13,414 Enjoy New York! You're going to get an agent— 933 01:40:17,581 --> 01:40:20,171 Lidia, it's so nice to meet you. Thank you for being here. 934 01:40:21,061 --> 01:40:22,061 Excuse me. 935 01:40:23,061 --> 01:40:24,847 Do you have anything, um… 936 01:40:26,954 --> 01:40:27,954 stronger? 937 01:40:28,987 --> 01:40:29,987 Thanks. 938 01:40:34,971 --> 01:40:37,071 Carol Houck Smith, Norton Publishing. 939 01:40:39,470 --> 01:40:41,270 It's pretty impressive what you did up there. 940 01:40:42,810 --> 01:40:43,810 Thank you. 941 01:40:44,304 --> 01:40:46,359 No, really. 942 01:40:47,187 --> 01:40:48,387 It didn't look easy. 943 01:40:49,644 --> 01:40:50,644 Tell me… 944 01:40:51,084 --> 01:40:52,644 is there any more where that came from? 945 01:40:52,791 --> 01:40:54,573 Something a little wider? 946 01:40:58,790 --> 01:41:00,170 You should send me something. 947 01:41:05,421 --> 01:41:06,921 It's just that… 948 01:41:10,051 --> 01:41:14,529 something in me had been born… 949 01:41:15,524 --> 01:41:16,524 still. 950 01:41:48,684 --> 01:41:50,464 It's a small sin we carry. 951 01:41:55,041 --> 01:41:57,372 Shame of wanting something good. 952 01:42:45,810 --> 01:42:47,903 …my life! 953 01:45:00,891 --> 01:45:02,091 Hey, what are you doing? 954 01:45:02,343 --> 01:45:03,343 Keep it moving. 955 01:45:22,250 --> 01:45:23,250 Hi. 956 01:45:27,304 --> 01:45:28,304 Chopping block. 957 01:45:29,050 --> 01:45:30,050 Peer review. 958 01:45:30,578 --> 01:45:31,878 Who wants to go first? 959 01:45:32,351 --> 01:45:34,599 Oh, I'm sorry, that's really helpful. 960 01:45:34,731 --> 01:45:37,811 And you know, you can't live the wrong life. 961 01:45:37,892 --> 01:45:39,758 You really can't, it's a story you were told. 962 01:45:39,861 --> 01:45:41,678 Your one is just as important, it's your own, you have to— 963 01:45:42,372 --> 01:45:44,581 It has to hurt, but I'm excited for you. 964 01:46:41,664 --> 01:46:45,092 Something small and specific caught in my eye. 965 01:46:45,311 --> 01:46:46,852 An important detail: 966 01:46:47,231 --> 01:46:49,647 a bruise on the bridge of her nose. 967 01:46:49,811 --> 01:46:51,811 Letting me know that her eyes were blue, like mine. 968 01:46:51,972 --> 01:46:52,972 Hey! 969 01:46:55,291 --> 01:46:56,291 How much? 970 01:46:59,011 --> 01:47:00,851 I pay her pimp a hundred dollars. 971 01:47:01,651 --> 01:47:02,651 I ask her in. 972 01:47:03,291 --> 01:47:04,491 I tell her to sit down. 973 01:47:08,561 --> 01:47:10,581 In the story, I say… 974 01:47:10,674 --> 01:47:12,876 This is what it feels like to be me. 975 01:47:14,127 --> 01:47:16,067 A woman who teaches English. 976 01:47:16,934 --> 01:47:20,082 Looking down at a woman who sucks dicks all day, 977 01:47:20,147 --> 01:47:21,977 as she sits on my couch. 978 01:47:22,641 --> 01:47:23,641 Smoking. 979 01:47:25,461 --> 01:47:28,822 When I look at her, I think she looks like Mary. 980 01:47:30,741 --> 01:47:35,977 Whenever I see an image of Christ, I picture Mary so drawn and gaunt, 981 01:47:36,057 --> 01:47:40,522 and tired and angry to the point of emaciation that she can barely wear her own face. 982 01:47:51,071 --> 01:47:53,631 In the story, I say… 983 01:47:56,111 --> 01:47:57,191 "What am I gonna do?" 984 01:47:58,797 --> 01:47:59,797 "Teach her?" 985 01:48:02,591 --> 01:48:06,879 This is what me, an addict, upwardly mobile, 986 01:48:06,985 --> 01:48:12,012 given something as infinitesimally small as words to believe in, thinks. 987 01:48:12,731 --> 01:48:13,911 I'm looking at her. 988 01:48:19,168 --> 01:48:20,668 Offer words. 989 01:48:34,283 --> 01:48:35,863 People will say to me all the time, 990 01:48:37,511 --> 01:48:40,951 "did the things in your short stories actually happen?" 991 01:48:44,404 --> 01:48:45,704 Isn't that the… 992 01:48:46,929 --> 01:48:47,929 the question? 993 01:48:49,277 --> 01:48:50,577 When it comes to life? 994 01:48:56,721 --> 01:48:58,721 Did this really happen to me? 995 01:49:07,401 --> 01:49:08,401 Andy. 996 01:49:10,341 --> 01:49:11,341 I don't know. 997 01:49:19,544 --> 01:49:22,088 The things that happen to us are true. 998 01:49:24,984 --> 01:49:26,184 But writing… 999 01:49:26,833 --> 01:49:28,753 is a whole other body. 1000 01:49:29,886 --> 01:49:32,586 I was hoping we could discuss my manuscript. 1001 01:49:33,964 --> 01:49:35,664 Oh, of course. 1002 01:49:35,971 --> 01:49:36,971 Yeah. 1003 01:49:39,304 --> 01:49:41,004 I also want to loan you my car. 1004 01:49:45,221 --> 01:49:46,928 Saw you were taking the bus, and… 1005 01:49:48,268 --> 01:49:50,008 I happen to have two cars. 1006 01:50:04,368 --> 01:50:05,088 Hey. 1007 01:50:28,443 --> 01:50:31,383 You can tell a lot about a person from seeing them in the water. 1008 01:50:33,471 --> 01:50:34,471 Thank you. 1009 01:50:38,061 --> 01:50:39,061 For what? 1010 01:50:39,247 --> 01:50:40,487 For letting me swim with you. 1011 01:50:41,361 --> 01:50:42,790 I've read a couple of your stories, 1012 01:50:42,843 --> 01:50:44,862 I know that swimming is a big deal. 1013 01:50:46,347 --> 01:50:48,067 I always let my students choose the venue. 1014 01:50:49,581 --> 01:50:52,120 You know, I wanted to say I've seen you a couple times before. 1015 01:50:53,110 --> 01:50:56,233 Yeah, I read about Ken Kesey teaching at U of O when I was abroad, 1016 01:50:56,257 --> 01:50:59,110 and I applied to the program, but it already happened. 1017 01:51:00,401 --> 01:51:03,041 - No shit, so… - Yeah, I know. 1018 01:51:03,623 --> 01:51:07,036 And I've seen you stomping around the creative writing department. 1019 01:51:08,701 --> 01:51:10,677 I was in the reading you gave at Gerlinger. 1020 01:51:13,964 --> 01:51:14,964 Oh, it's… 1021 01:51:18,179 --> 01:51:19,179 that's weird. 1022 01:51:19,743 --> 01:51:20,743 It's weird. 1023 01:51:24,396 --> 01:51:26,196 That was a weird day for me. 1024 01:51:28,901 --> 01:51:29,901 Why? 1025 01:51:38,750 --> 01:51:39,750 My father. 1026 01:51:42,591 --> 01:51:44,103 Was—my f… 1027 01:51:45,131 --> 01:51:46,131 my father… 1028 01:51:49,927 --> 01:51:50,927 Your father? 1029 01:51:53,414 --> 01:51:54,614 Was abusive. 1030 01:51:57,820 --> 01:51:58,820 Your father… 1031 01:52:02,051 --> 01:52:03,051 how so? 1032 01:52:05,611 --> 01:52:06,611 Sexual. 1033 01:52:07,517 --> 01:52:08,517 Oh. 1034 01:52:10,397 --> 01:52:11,497 It sucks. 1035 01:52:20,837 --> 01:52:23,797 I hope something karmically fucking happened to him. 1036 01:52:25,437 --> 01:52:26,437 Yeah. 1037 01:52:29,881 --> 01:52:31,381 Kind of, actually, it did. 1038 01:52:32,987 --> 01:52:34,187 Excellent then. 1039 01:52:43,346 --> 01:52:44,446 It was a long time ago, 1040 01:52:44,507 --> 01:52:46,207 I was a totally different person then. 1041 01:52:48,101 --> 01:52:49,301 So who are you now? 1042 01:52:52,047 --> 01:52:53,247 I'm your teacher. 1043 01:53:00,047 --> 01:53:01,994 You can teach you how to take my car. 1044 01:53:26,560 --> 01:53:29,361 I don't quite know how to tell you what it feels like. 1045 01:53:32,726 --> 01:53:35,561 Watching the little woman swim for her life. 1046 01:53:39,047 --> 01:53:40,047 I mean… 1047 01:54:02,260 --> 01:54:04,260 Are you fucking insane? 1048 01:54:11,591 --> 01:54:12,591 No. 1049 01:54:22,321 --> 01:54:24,321 You think I'm someone else. 1050 01:54:32,104 --> 01:54:34,104 I can see the mother in you. 1051 01:54:43,671 --> 01:54:45,971 There's more to your story than you think. 1052 01:56:43,225 --> 01:56:44,625 - Very nice. - Yeah. 1053 01:56:44,708 --> 01:56:45,708 Very nice. 1054 01:56:46,700 --> 01:56:48,700 We're just going to go this way sir, other way. 1055 01:57:10,976 --> 01:57:12,476 What about the room? 1056 01:57:13,261 --> 01:57:16,761 - They said it would be ready tomorrow, for sure. - Okay. 1057 01:57:20,364 --> 01:57:22,964 That must have been a weird ride. 1058 01:57:28,831 --> 01:57:29,814 Thank you. 1059 01:57:30,151 --> 01:57:32,456 You don't ever have to say 'thank you' to me. 1060 01:57:40,117 --> 01:57:41,117 I'm good. 1061 01:57:42,497 --> 01:57:43,497 Yeah? 1062 01:57:43,931 --> 01:57:44,931 Yeah. 1063 01:57:59,191 --> 01:58:00,191 Hi, Dad. 1064 01:58:00,410 --> 01:58:01,410 Marilou? 1065 01:58:02,391 --> 01:58:04,051 No, it's me, it's Lidia. 1066 01:58:04,914 --> 01:58:06,394 I know that, kiddo. 1067 01:58:17,790 --> 01:58:18,990 I read that book. 1068 01:58:20,086 --> 01:58:21,086 Oh, yeah? 1069 01:58:21,140 --> 01:58:22,140 Yeah. 1070 01:58:23,518 --> 01:58:24,818 Do you know who wrote it? 1071 01:58:25,446 --> 01:58:26,446 Yeah. 1072 01:58:29,521 --> 01:58:30,521 You. 1073 01:58:31,554 --> 01:58:32,654 That's right. 1074 01:58:36,451 --> 01:58:37,971 Did you read all of the stories? 1075 01:58:38,237 --> 01:58:39,237 I… 1076 01:58:41,211 --> 01:58:43,023 There was one about swimming. 1077 01:58:45,756 --> 01:58:46,756 I like that. 1078 01:58:48,974 --> 01:58:49,974 Thank you. 1079 01:58:52,364 --> 01:58:54,064 Not very flattering of me, though. 1080 01:58:57,444 --> 01:58:59,050 That's fair enough. 1081 01:59:08,167 --> 01:59:11,667 You know, I won a prize for that story. 1082 01:59:13,194 --> 01:59:14,694 And I got to go to New York. 1083 01:59:24,787 --> 01:59:26,317 Well, isn't that something, huh? 1084 01:59:31,354 --> 01:59:32,554 It's beautiful here. 1085 01:59:35,931 --> 01:59:38,131 It's a real home you have here. 1086 01:59:43,151 --> 01:59:44,151 Well done. 1087 01:59:45,507 --> 01:59:46,707 Well done, you. 1088 01:59:48,911 --> 01:59:52,494 The safest memories are locked away in the brains of people you can't remember. 1089 01:59:53,817 --> 01:59:55,401 Oh, get her Mike, get her Mike! 1090 01:59:56,651 --> 01:59:57,451 …you know I don't… 1091 02:00:01,182 --> 02:00:03,398 Underwater forever. 1092 02:00:05,617 --> 02:00:07,117 There you go pal. 1093 02:00:08,828 --> 02:00:10,994 Look, I'm doing 'wimming! 1094 02:00:23,045 --> 02:00:24,045 What's wrong? 1095 02:00:24,143 --> 02:00:26,076 The water will go in my… 1096 02:00:26,159 --> 02:00:29,392 my nose, and ears and into my brain. 1097 02:00:31,447 --> 02:00:32,747 Ah, Miles? 1098 02:00:35,737 --> 02:00:37,423 How many times 1099 02:00:37,561 --> 02:00:41,473 have you seen mama swimming and swimming laps? 1100 02:00:43,350 --> 02:00:44,573 Lots of times, right? 1101 02:00:45,063 --> 02:00:46,870 Have you ever… 1102 02:00:47,915 --> 02:00:52,432 noticed that I've never got water in my brain? 1103 02:00:55,424 --> 02:00:57,219 Water's never gone into my brain. 1104 02:00:57,924 --> 02:00:58,924 You wanna see? 1105 02:00:59,681 --> 02:01:00,681 Watch this. 1106 02:01:00,938 --> 02:01:03,188 Tell me how much water goes in my brain, okay? 1107 02:01:14,100 --> 02:01:15,100 See? 1108 02:01:18,330 --> 02:01:21,130 I have a very important game. 1109 02:01:23,026 --> 02:01:26,259 I'm gonna put my whole head underwater. 1110 02:01:26,925 --> 02:01:27,925 Okay. 1111 02:01:28,105 --> 02:01:31,226 And we look at each other underwater. 1112 02:01:33,044 --> 02:01:35,544 - What game is this? - I made it up. 1113 02:01:48,298 --> 02:01:49,298 The key is… 1114 02:01:51,416 --> 02:01:52,716 make up shit. 1115 02:02:02,381 --> 02:02:05,581 I'm not speaking out of my asshole when I say this: 1116 02:02:07,701 --> 02:02:08,701 Come in. 1117 02:02:12,104 --> 02:02:14,104 The water will hold you.